Yesterday all my best efforts were frustrated by a stubborn mental block that made it impossible to accomplish any meaningful work. I stared at my computer, wandered back and forth making coffee and snacks, checked my phone twenty bazillion times, and literally got nothing done. Late yesterday afternoon I caught myself spending 20 minutes googling images of “bird-brain” and “absent-minded,” believing that finding a funny meme would somehow cure me.
Today I woke up with a foul mood hanging over my head; the mental block was still there and it was souring my whole outlook. I sat down at my computer like a good worker bee, determined to beat this thing. But still I stared, and still I checked my phone. Nothing.
After reaching a level of negativity bordering on despondence, I decided to get out. Outside. In the rain. Threw on a jacket and just walked. It turned out to be beautiful out, the birds singing and the fields looking all dark-soiled and promising of plants to come. I listened to Fiona Apple while I walked and felt personally represented in every angsty, introspective lyric.
I can be a bit dramatic sometimes.
When I got home I thought I would feel refreshed and inspired and renewed. Fresh air and space, I’m cured! But, no. Still nothing, and that cloud of foul, sour, grumpy, yuckiness was waiting for me just inside the door. What the actual f*#k!
I sat and thought for a minute. There was a little voice that had been nagging at me for the last two days, begging me to “create something please!” And there were those 15 notes I had hastily typed into my phone, all poems, all waiting to be set to music. It occurred to me that my brain might be blocked because I wasn’t letting it do what it wanted to do.
So I grabbed my husband’s guitar. Strummed a few times, cursed my poor weak, uncalloused fingers, then kept strumming. Clumsy, tinny chords rang from the badly mishandled instrument, and a song immediately – literally instantaneously – jumped out of my mouth. The lyrics were there from last week when I was hanging out my clothes and was struck by how glorious country living is. The melody came fully-formed and joyful. Aaaaahhhhhhhhh, release.
Thank you universe for slapping me in the face hard enough to make me do what I love to do. I feel relaxed and happy, like I’ve just had a good meal on a sunny patio. Mmmmm.